- The Water (Part Two): Zachariah White
The term “water” refers to the approach of fluidity and adaptation. Two characteristics that Dr. King mastered in efforts to fight for the civil rights of the minorities. These are traits that I had to master in order to find the best solution for whichever situation that I encountered. One of the problems with water is that the instruments of influence renders it in a perception to the community where it appears “soft” and “passive”; essentially, less than what it should be.
One example that I can point to is a predicament that involved myself, an ex-girlfriend, one of my youngest brother’s brothers, and one of my youngest brother’s cousins. I’ll preface by stating that, yes, I was wrong and I shouldn’t have done it (also each person involved were between the ages of 9 – 11). However, this perception of me being “soft” long predated this incident; but, it definitely added an even greater stain to support this label. This act that I should’ve refrained from was when one of my youngest brother’s brothers played matchmaker and set myself and the ex-girlfriend as a couple. This in itself wasn’t bad, it was the fact that she was dating my youngest brother’s cousin at the time and they hadn’t seen each other in a couple days. In this time, me and the girl didn’t do anything too much, but we did kiss and hug once or twice.
Eventually, the cousin came back and that his “girlfriend” had cheated on him and left him without his knowledge. Typical of anybody in this situation, he wanted to fight me. I knew that I had done wrong and I understood why he was angry. This was why when he hit me a couple times, I didn’t strike back; instead, I started crying and told him, “I’m sorry”. Of course, this wasn’t good enough, so he hit me a couple more times. Still, my actions were the same: still crying and apologizing.
At this point, my youngest brother’s brother tried to instigate by pushing me to fight him. I still cried and apologized, refusing to escalate things as I was already in the wrong. Next, this is when (as I’m retelling and revisioning the story) I think, “The rich get richer...”, because my mom had gotten home from work and was heading into the house. Keep in mind, all of the fighting and apologizing is happening “down the street”. Once the cousin realized this, he shouted all sorts of phrases and profanities to get her attention and alert her of what was going on. Luckily, she couldn’t hear because we were “down the street”. Just when things looked like it was low as it could get, a couple days, the girl decided to “give me a present” in front of her sisters, her cousins, and my youngest brother’s relatives (note: we were all about 9 – 12). Apparently, we have different ideas of what qualifies as a present because this one came in the form of a public break-up followed by throwing a cup of “poison” (the girls mixed roach spray with rat poison and pesticides) which resulted in oohs, aahs, and laughs from the bystanders.
Afterwards, the onslaught continued as the girls calling me afterwards to ask for the cousin’s phone number, even after what happened. My brother’s relatives asked how I felt about everything that happened. They were none too pleased when I responded with, “I don’t even care, I’m good.”. They kept picking and heckling trying to make the humiliation burn, talking about how I should’ve been angry and wanting to fight someone. The truth is, regardless of me being in the right or wrong, it still didn’t have an effect on me. Nonetheless, it is this moment where the ones I called “family” point to when they spoke at length about how “soft” I was. They engaged in selective focus by referring to instances like this one and selective disapproval based only on my actions in the scenario. It’s of no surprise that they leave out consideration of myself not fighting back and admitting what I did was wrong as something that was right to some extent.
There were times when I remembered this time, I questioned why I even went through with something like this. For a while, my response involved the thought of it being good to have a girlfriend; despite it coming at the cost of a family relative. When I looked back, even though I apologized, I never did regret my actions, for he would’ve done the same thing had roles been reversed. Even more so, I recalled many of times where he and the others in the community did something wrong to me. Yet, the response was either it didn’t mean much or I was at fault.
As I took time to look back on things, I came to the realization of several things. “Boys grow up to be wary of each other. We are taught to compete with one another at school, and to struggle to prove ourselves outside it, on the street, the playground and the sports field. Later we fight for status over sexual prowess, or money, or physical strength or technical know-how... the pressure is on to act tough. We fear humiliation or exclusion, or ultimately the violence of other boys if we fail to conform (19).” (R. Harper, 90). This “pressure” was the detrimental bug that was biting myself, the community, and society as a whole. Whether I knew it at the time or not, I had already acted in congruence with my position on how to address something like this. By not fighting my brother’s cousin (as opposed to fighting him), by not reacting to the ex-girlfriend (as opposed to doing something), while it came at the cost of humiliation to some extent, I avoided aiding in the elevation of tensions.
The greater takeaway is that in doing what I did, I had proven several things both to myself and the others, even if none of us could quite articulate it at the time. I proved that, while I was susceptible, I was able to resist from this persisting idea that we had to compete with others. I proved that I was able to resist the competition, despite this feeling of degradation and exclusion that would be forced upon me by the community. I had ultimately proven that I was taking a stand against conforming and that I was unfazed by the backlash that would come from it. It was long before I was back among the same group of relatives spending time with each other, and it wasn’t long before the girl and I were dating again. The lesson from this story is that, while the greater masses want the individuals to confirm and, perhaps, submit to the standards set by the group, actions that are in the same light as going against the grain is ultimately respected, sooner or later. This further supports the claim of one staying true to one’s self instead of focusing on the group.
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